A great new yoga studio just opened up here in my small town. I am beyond thrilled to start doing yoga again. This morning I woke up ready to start my new practice and a sense of joy overwhelms me as I go out to my car to a sun shinning day, beautiful flowers starting to bloom and feeling good that I am about to do something for me. Sounds like a good start right?
Well… I get to the class Hot Vinyasa, find my space, take a few deep breaths and quickly realize that is is not quite like Bikram yoga. I start looking around and notice that everyone else is wearing yoga pants while I am dressed in shorts which is what people typically do in Bikram-this is my first downfall and start of my chatter. The downfall wasn’t in what I was wearing but the “what will people think?” question or “what was I thinking?” or even better ” I look stupid!” And so my dance begins…. My real workout today was noticing my inner chatter that wasn’t very complimentary to myself, turning the chatter off and then hearing it again, make the chatter nicer and then turn it off. This went on for over an hour! It went something like this I look awful, BREATH- no one cares what I look like. RELAX into the pose, my tummy looks huge. Ok, this stretch is starting to feel good. How come every nail on my hands are different lengths? When is the last time I bothered to get a manicure? Oh and my Toes! Disgusting! BREATH I love my body. I am taking care of me. How come this side is so tight? Who knew my calve were so stuff? what am a doing wrong? BREATH This feels good. This is the start of a better relationship with my body. I am pretty good at this. BREATH. Then I start in with my business. Whats stopping me from moving forward? What am I afraid of? Who is going to read my blog? BREATH And so the hour passes with my inner chatter stretching into silence and bending back into chatter.
I know better right? Yes I do, but I still do it. I am not sure we ever really turn it off. I do know that I can be better about the things I say to myself. I also know that when I am tuned into my inner voice I am happier, I live more fully, love freely, and thrive in whatever I am doing. Like yoga, conditioning the inner voice is a practice. When I notice the inner voice that doesnt serve me I STOP. I change my focus, ask a better question, and replace the thought with a better one. I know this sounds so simple. And it is. But does it work? YES! The hard part isn’t doing it. The hard part is committing to the practice of intentionally listening to your inner voice and choosing to have that voice cheer you on instead of creating doubt, loneliness, separation, fear…..
Here I am committing to the practice of listening intentionally and intentionally choosing my voice.
Today I choose to notice my voice, and thank myself for not getting stuck in the yucky conversations. Today I choose to BREATH through it. RELAX. Today I choose to say something nice to myself. Today I choose JOY and when I forget that I choose joy while my son is whining I take a deep breath and ask, how I want to feel right now in this moment?
I LOVE this post! thank you for the reminder to breathe and notice our inner chatter. I love this blog and am devouring every word! thank you for sharing your gifts with all of us!! xoxo
Thank you Christa! You are my biggest fan and cheerleader!
Jayne, I also showed up at the yoga place wearing my tiny little Bikram yoga shorts! I felt so under dressed! I loved reading your post! I will will pay close attention to all of my inner chatter today…I do usually ahve a lot of it.
Melissa it is good to see I wasn’t the only one in tiny shorts! lol That chatter gets me all the time but I am getting better about he words I choose.
Great post Jayne! I hate the chatter! I really try to practice mindfulness – focusing on and looking for joy in the task at hand. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it just does not!
Tani you are really good at this!
Wow, what an amazing post! So true. I can proudly (or maybe not so much) say that I am a master of getting my inner chatter going and also keeping it going; especially when it’s not serving me. So, thank you for reminding me of the fact that it is indeed my choice to either let the chatter consume me or not. The more often I choose good, the better my chance of tuning it out will be. One thing that I have noticed is that when I am in the flow, in the zone or however you want to call it, there is no chatter! Just some sound similar to the ocean breeze playing with the wind chimes. And I like wind chimes
YOu are so right- In flow all else disappears!